With classes coming to an end soon and summer almost upon us, I no longer have to write this blog. I’m sure I got top marks for all my hard work and witty humor. I may continue with this thing, I may not. I know all my thousands of readers (that’s an exaggeration, I think I have maybe twenty) will be sorely disappointed but alas, what can a man do?
I decided to honor this last post by making it a double feature. Two list for the price of one.
5 Reasons College Is Awesome:
1. Friends – After sifting through the pretenders, the weirdos and the crazy you will find a group of people who make the four (or more) years of college the best of your life. Many of these friendships you’ll treasure for the rest of your life, even though some of them will fade to nothing. Studies show that friendships made during college last longer then friendships made at any other point in your life, including that best friend you knew since you were in diapers. Also, it has been shown that loneliness is linked to an increased risk of heart disease, viral infections, and cancer as well as higher mortality rates. Not only is one the loneliest number, its also the deadliest! So treasure these people. Treat them like the great people they probably are, except Karen. Fucking Karen.
2. Parties – Not all parties involve alcohol, though you have to wonder who the hell goes to one that doesn’t… Still, some people just like to get together and have a fun time without beer or liquor involved. For me these people would fall under the weirdo and crazy category that I would cut loose from being friends with but I digress.
Still, getting together with friends and random people to have a good time is always…well a good time. Just go in with a positive attitude and laugh at everything and everyone and the night should be a success. Especially when you have a chance for a one nighter. Which leads me to #3.
3. Sex – According to a very awesome movie, ‘You’ll have sex in college. Everyone does.” It is pretty much true. I know of only two seniors who are virgins still. Sex is awesome. It is what makes this world go round. You know all those guys that go on crazy rampages even though everyone assures the authorities, “he was a perfectly normal person,” it isn’t because they are insane, its because they couldn’t get any action for a while. Choking the chicken, or playing the DJ game (for females), can only keep you satisfied for so long. It is why old people are always so cranky; they are too old and too likely to break their hip to actually have sex. Whether it be you are in a committed relationship, you have a booty call on speed dial, you have a one night stand everyone once in a while or you go rampant throughout the ranks of the opposite gender because you can’t keep your legs closed (and you know who you are), basically everyone has sex in college.
4. New Experiences – You will definitely do things you have never done before. For some people it will be their first experience with alcohol. Some people will try drugs (or different drugs) for the first time. First time having sex is also a big one. No matter what it is, even if it has nothing to do with sex, drugs and rock and roll, there is always something amazing about experiencing new things. Many things people cross off on their bucket list are performed while in college. A bunch of young adults with nothing to do are always down to do fun and stupid things whether it be because classes and homework are driving them crazy or because drugs and alcohol are involved. Probably the latter.
5. Education – I mean I guess…
So there is the first list, amazing wasn’t it? While you are marveling over my brilliance, read over the second one. Two shots of brilliance will surely blow your mind.
4 Things To Do During The Summer
1. Go To The Beach – When I say beach, I don’t mean go to a shitty lake or go to an area where its rocks instead of sand. When I say beach, I mean beautiful sandy stretches of land that meet the big waves of the cool ocean waters. First of all, opposite gender in bathing suits. Everyone loves such a sight, even if guys are more obvious about it. Girls love to go to the beach to work on their tan. You can do that anywhere you want to but apparently the beach is the palce to do it. Guys love going to the beach because we love staring at girls in bikinis…oh and we actually like to go in the water and goof around. Nothing better then body surfing a giant wave and then getting face planted into the sand. Or realizing you forgot to put on sunblock and you’re as red as a tomato and in too much pain to do anything, including standing.
2. Play Sports – The beautiful weather means you can do so much outside. Join a summer league or just have a pickup game with your friends. And you can play pretty much every sport you want. Basketball, soccer, baseball, football and even roller hockey. Hell you could even play a sport that isn’t really a sport, like golf. Just don’t be that toolbag that gets way too into it and way too competitive. That person always ruins things. That person also deserves to get punched in the face, or take a soccer ball to the face. It also keeps you active, which is a good way to stay in shape. No one likes couch potatoes, especially during the summer.
3. Camping – When I say camping I don’t mean sleeping in a log cabin or a camper. You sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor of a tent or right on the hard dirt. The whole point of camping is to get away from society and all its technologies. The American society is pampered and once in a while its nice to get away from that pampering and live with a little hardship. Besides the outdoors is amazing and everyone should experience the beauty that is nature. It isn’t like you have nothing to do while camping. You can go on a long hike or roast hot dogs over a camp fire. If you are camping near a river or lake you can even go fishing or swimming. Even if you don’t do anything besides sit around and do nothing, you can still just take in the beauty of nature.
4. BBQ/Grill – Nothing better then inviting some friends over, getting some ice cold beers and firing up the grill/bbq. You can grill/bbg so many things too. Hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, ribs and steak are just a few of the delicious things you can cook. It isn’t even that hard to grill/bbq. Basically everyone can do it, even females! Um, no offense meant to any females. Having a BBQ is a great reason to invite your friends over and its generally a simple process, even if it might take a while. But the great taste you’ll savor in your mouth after everything is done makes it totally worth it. That and hanging out and shooting the shit with your friends while the food is cooking, makes it all worth it as well.