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Reasons Men Suck

So my blog got reviewed by a peer in my class and she said that this blog is more appealing to men then it is women. As a (failed) ladies man and the greatest thing to happen to the female population since women’s rights (hahahaha…women’s right), I am offended to think that women wouldn’t find my blog entertaining. So in order to appeal to the better looking gender, although not better looking than me, I”m creating this list; reasons men suck.

I’m going to try to think of this from a female perspective, so when I say “you” in the post, I mean females in general. What is it about us males that you can’t stand? Well I guess I should reiterate, what is it about other males that you can’t stand? Cause obviously I’m someone that has no flaws. Yup, no flaws at all. It’s cause I’m awesome…

Obviously these don’t desrcibe every male out there; just most of them. 

1. Way Too Into Sports – “I know it’s your mother’s funeral, but babe, the game is on!” Good luck finding a guy willing to do something besides eat wings, drink beer and watch some football on a Sunday. And it isn’t just football; baseball, basketball, hockey and even things like golf and NASCAR will draw a man’s attention away from almost anything else going on around him. And yes I included NASCAR in there but you really only have to worry about that if you live in the south and the man has a mullet.  What is it about sports that entertains males so much, especially since the ones really into sports are the ones who aren’t athletic and gifted enough to play said sport to begin with? They disregard you females in favor of watching a bunch of dudes. If that isn’t messed up, I don’t know what is.   

2. Superiority Complex – Oh sure you have those males who say, “I totally believe women are equal to men,” but how many of them do you think 100% believe that? Most males put a lot of emphasis on physicality and since men are generally the bigger and stronger of the two genders, most males assume men are superior. It sucks that you females are being held back in this male dominated world because men don’t believe you will be as good at something as a male. Keep trying to prove us wrong but I feel like as long as we keep living in our current society, the more physical you are, the more respect you’ll get. That’s why athletes get paid millions of dollars to play a game and beat up on each other, and scientist reseraching ways to fight cancer make like $80,000. It also doesn’t help that females who try to be as strong as men are sometimes viewed as ugly or undesirable, making it an unappealing way of life for most females.

3. Not In Touch With Emotions – If a man is too in touch with his emotions, he generally gets made fun of by other males. It is considered weak. So good luck finding a male who understands exactly why you are crying and mumbling, “he just loves her so much,” and isn’t a homosexual. (Then again not all homosexuals are like that either….and no offense meant to homosexuals.) Chances are if you do find a straight male in touch with his emotions, he’s way too in touch with them and ends up crying more often then you do. It is hard for men to walk that fine line between understanding where you are coming from and still maintaining there manliness in front of other males. Therefor, many don’t even bother trying to walk that line and instead stay strivtly on the side of manliness. It is the biggest reason women are always getting pissed off at men. That and because we men are idiots.      

4. Don’t Pay Enough Attention – #1 can fall under this and #3 can be a reason why it happens. Whatever it is, men just don’t pay enough attention to females. Whether it be the problems they face every day, or just their opinions on things, men don’t seem to care. Men don’t listen to what you have to say and if they seem like they are listening, doing the whole head nod and the “really? you don’t say” every few seconds, then you should double check to make sure they actually are paying attention; chances are they aren’t. Whether it be watching the game, talking to their friends or even staring at other females, you always seem to be a secondary concern. Men have their reason for this, at least some men do, but I won’t get into that right now.

5. Think With Their Penis – Everything is about sex. Well not everything, some of it’s about food as well. Some men pretend to care because they know that if you think they like you and care about you as a person, you’ll put out. When a guy buys you drinks at a bar, it is because he is looking to get lucky with you later tonight, something that increases the drunker you get. If you are lucky you will find that guy who takes you out to dinner and buys you nice things because he generally wants to see you happy. However, in order to find that guy you’ll probably go through a handful who only do those things because they want to hop on the good fit and do the bad thing.

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5 Places To Have Sex

Sex is a part of everyone’s life. Alright, let’s be honest, sex is a great part of everyone’s life. I don’t think there is one person in this world who doesn’t love making love. If you happen to find someone who doesn’t, then they are more than likely a cyborg from the future sent back in time to kill someone important, which means you’re safe.

The bedroom is the standard place, as well as anywhere in a house really; the shower, on the counter, your dad’s favorite chair and against the hallway wall to list a few. If you really want to have a more interesting sex life you have to be adventurous. Doing it in other places along with the fear of being caught, can make sex more exciting. Here are five places to do it.    

1. Boss’ Office – Whether you like your boss or not I’m sure you wouldn’t mind finding a way to give them a big “fuck you” even if it is without their knowledge. Any office will do I’m sure but there is something about it being the office of the person who could fire your ass anytime they want to, it just adds that little extra thrill. Offices generally have a desk and a chair, which are probably the two most used pieces of furniture after a bed. Some may have a filing cabinet which can be hard to work with but still doable, if you have the knowledge.

2. Hospital Waiting Room – This one is tricky. Waiting rooms are generally filled with other people. It is possible to have sex in a room with other people and not have them realize what’s going on. You have to be very discreet and quiet so if one of you is a screamer or heavy moaner, this probably isn’t a good idea. Sometimes, when you’re in the hospital at 3 in the morning because your friend has alcohol poisoning, the waiting room is empty. In which case, if the area is separate from the reception desk, then go for it. Sure you’re concerned for your friend; the sex is just something to take your mind off of your concern.   

3. The Confessional – Gasp! I know, who would ever suggest such a thing? This guy right here. I’m not an atheist or a Catholic, so that didn’t have any influence on my decision. I am actually a Deist; someone who believes God created everything and just left us to our own devices. I don’t put down anyone who believes differently than me because we’ll never know who is right until we die and when that happens it won’t matter who was right and who was wrong. Still, churches and the Christian faith just seem to be so against sex, especially casual sex. If you were to have casual sex, considered a sin, in the Confessional, where people go to confess their sins, well that would just be ironic, wouldn’t it? Imagine if a priest was in the other side, ready to hear of your sins? Do you think he’d forgive you for the sin your committing on the other side of him? My guess is probably not.  

4. Ferris Wheel – If you’re not big on the whole people watching you have sex thing, this one will have to be a quickie. Even if you do manage to be the car stopped at the very top, you won’t be there for long. The rocking of the passenger car will not only terrify you, as you contemplate whether the car will tip over and send you falling to the ground, it will also add more motion into the actual act of having sex. The spike in adrenaline as you fear for your life and the added motion should make it a better sexual experience.

 5. Bungee Jumping – Don’t ask me exactly how this would work, as I have no idea. I imagine it’s a lot like having sex standing up, except you’re free falling a few hundred feet. Then you’re flying back into the air only to start free falling again. You repeat the process a few times until you just kind of hang there for a bit until they bring you back up. I don’t even know if you’d have the time or the range of motion to actually do anything. And seriously for a guy having your P in her V while bungee jumping should scare you because I feel like, well you might break your baby-maker when you snap back up or something. Still, it is worth a try. And would be very, very epic.